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00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:05,764
News Anchor:
In the early aughts,

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00:00:05,764 --> 00:00:08,905
looking to cement his power
and overthrow Yeltsin loyalists,

3
00:00:08,905 --> 00:00:11,735
President Vladimir Putin looked
to some of his closest allies

4
00:00:11,735 --> 00:00:13,910
from his former KGB days.

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00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:16,395
One such man
is Dimislav Molokov,

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a devout Russian Orthodox man

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who at the time ran a small
dairy farm in Rostov Oblast.

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00:00:21,228 --> 00:00:23,713
Putin invited Mr. Molokov
to the Kremlin,

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where he sampled his milk.

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Molokov struck gold.

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White gold, that is.

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Putin liked it so much that
in the ensuing months,

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there was a systematic
shutdown of dairy farms

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across the country,

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which Mr. Molokov snapped up
for literal pennies.

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The farmers who opposed
the purchases

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00:00:38,659 --> 00:00:42,249
from the newly minted oligarch,
now known simply as Dima,

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were either incarcerated
for opposition politics

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or simply never heard
from again.

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And while most of you think
how does one become

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a multi-billionaire from milk?

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The answer is simple.

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He also mines uranium.

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Say what now?[ Laughter ]

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The point is -- the point
is Russia [bleep] up.

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[ Laughter ]

27
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[ Cow moos ]

28
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That's not a joke.He doesn't need
to make jokes.

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He's just pointing out
how messed up Russia is.

30
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He does the news better
than the news does.

31
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What are you
talking about?

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That wasthe news.

33
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All he did was swear
and make a stupid face.

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All right, guys.
Listen to me.

35
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We are in the middle of a very
dangerous situation right now.

36
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Dealing with an oligarch
who's forcing your father

37
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to marry his daughter

38
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all because my father
is running a black market

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of Canadian homo milk that's
undercutting his monopoly.

40
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See? Russia [bleep] up.
You don't need to make jokes.

41
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Why don't we
just run away?

42
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Yeah, there's not that
many guards.

43
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We can probably outrun 'em.I'm not doing that.

44
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I'm not putting you guys
in any more danger.

45
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Let's just have your dad
say his fake "I do's"

46
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and take his Russian bride
back to the states,

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where we will deal with this
diplomatically

48
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with the State Department.

49
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Okay?
Trust me.

50
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This is no picnic
for your dad, either.

51
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[ Laughs ]

52
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You're so funny!

53
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[ Russian accent ]
It's the vodka.

54
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It make me funny!
It's the voice, too.

55
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Kiss me.

56
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,264
Hmm?

57
00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:09,025
[ Normally ]
Okay, umm --

58
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-Hey!
-Yeah?

59
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[ Gasps ]

60
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Ow.

61
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Can't sample milk

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until you're paid
for the cow.

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♪♪

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Sergeant Pepper
is such a dick.

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[ Man singing in Russian ]

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[ Buzzing ]

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♪♪

68
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[ Clears throat ]

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♪♪

70
00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:47,926
Hey.
Oh, hey.

71
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I can't do it.
I can't do this marriage thing.

72
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Look what
she makes me wear.

73
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I say
I just keep stalling

74
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until maybe
your dad shows up.

75
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That's who this Dima guy
wants, anyway.

76
00:02:55,105 --> 00:02:56,831
Bill, honey, my dad is not
showing up, all right?

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He's not some hand of God
who cares more about his family

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than he does risking
his own life.

79
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That's not gonna happen.

80
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Okay, then, I say we make
a run for it. Okay?

81
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I was talking to Nico.I don't know who that is.

82
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That's the ponytail guy.

83
00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:07,739
Sergei?

84
00:03:07,739 --> 00:03:09,982
One of the names.Okay, anyway, he said
a couple of his workers

85
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escaped through the mines.

86
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The uranium mines?Yeah.

87
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Are you out of your --
No, honey, we're not doing that.

88
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You know
what you're gonna do?

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You're gonna marry
this ugly Russian broad.

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We're gonna go back
to the States,

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and we're gonna be
a family, okay?

92
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I don't want to marry
a stranger, okay?

93
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[ Sing-song voice ]
Future husband!

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Where are you in here?

95
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That's her?Yeah, she's gross.

96
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Hey. [ Chuckles nervously ]
-Ugh.

97
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It's so gross in here.I know. I just said that.

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[ Laughs ]

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Mm! Mm. Mnh-mnh.

100
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[ Exhales heavily ]

101
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Let's go.Yeah. Yeah, I will.
I'll catch up.

102
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I'm just gonna finish
yelling at these milkers.

103
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"Milkieskers."
"Milkies."

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Hey, hey, can we circle back
to the thing --

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your thing about leaving?Yeah.

106
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Yeah.
Let's make a run for it.

107
00:04:03,312 --> 00:04:04,727
Delilah:
We should not be in here.

108
00:04:04,727 --> 00:04:06,487
Jared: Yeah, a Uranus mine
doesn't sound safe.

109
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Robin: It's fine.
Just don't breathe too deeply.

110
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Yet another stupid plan
made by the Parkers.

111
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Hey, you're a Parker,
too, you know?Oh, my God.

112
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Okay, and you've made
plenty of stupid plans.

113
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You can't escape your genes.

114
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Look at this one.

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He doesn't want to be
like his mom, but he is.

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-I'm not like my mom.
-I wanna be like my mom.

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Your mom's dead.No, she's not.
She lives in Italy.

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How could you not
tell me this?
I know.

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It's the one place
I've always wanted to go.

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Why would you think that?Why are you so surprised
by any of this?

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[ High-pitched voice ] I'm
already assuming that her mom

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is just another crazy sister
that wants to have sex with Dad.

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[ High-pitched voice ] Wait,
what's wrong with your voice?

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Nothing. I think
it's just an echo in here.

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[ High-pitched voice ] No, your
voice definitely sounds higher.

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[ High-pitched voice ]
Your voice sounds --[ Indistinct arguing ]

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We gotta go.
We gotta go.

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Guys, guys, guys, guys,
keep your voices down, please!

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What's the point?
They're already high.

130
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-Yeah, I'm going back.
-No, stop, stop!

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Stop!
No, what are you doing?

132
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We just got this family
back together, okay?

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The core four.

134
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We've gone through hell
trying to keep us together.

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Please, don't rip us
apart again.

136
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I don't even know why you guys
want me back.

137
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You do realize we're 18
in 2 years, right?

138
00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:04,442
Yes, but we want to be
in your life forever.

139
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,409
Yeah, just like you guys are
in your parents' life forever.

140
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That's different.
Our parents are shitty.

141
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So are mine!And we're in a mine.

142
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Sorry. It sounded
really funny in my head.

143
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I think it's all the
poisonous gases we're inhaling.

144
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You know, you guys pay
a lot of lip service

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00:05:17,178 --> 00:05:18,628
to this family
is everything bullshit,

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00:05:18,628 --> 00:05:20,458
but I don't see a lot
of evidence of it.

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Delilah. You know what the
happiest moments of my life was?

148
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,738
Let me guess.
Sitting on the beach,

149
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watching me play
in the water.

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Did you tell her
my speech?

151
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We spent a lot of time together
in the last little while.

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We didn't have anything else
to talk about.

153
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What do you want
from us?

154
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Please, just tell us,
and we will deliver.

155
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I promise.

156
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First, let's just get the hell
out of this mine.

157
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Well...

158
00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:43,895
that we can do.Let's do it.

159
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Your mom and I always know
where we're going.

160
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Let's get some.
Shit.

161
00:05:47,623 --> 00:05:49,901
-Oh, no!
-You can't even hear that.

162
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I know. The helium of the mine
is fun to talk with.

163
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Makes you sound like you're
in a popular Russian show

164
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"Ivan and Squirrels."

165
00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:01,326
Ivan!

166
00:06:01,326 --> 00:06:03,915
[ Laughter ]Ivan!

167
00:06:03,915 --> 00:06:07,850
And we also use it
to test for leaks.

168
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You need intensive
toxic cleansing.

169
00:06:12,268 --> 00:06:14,926
-Aah!
-Ow!

170
00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,272
-Ow!
-Shit!

171
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♪♪

172
00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:21,622
The loofah's
a little scratchy.

173
00:06:21,622 --> 00:06:24,798
♪♪

174
00:06:24,798 --> 00:06:26,627
Better?

175
00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:29,354
Ehh. [ Spits ]
A little bit.

176
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:33,531
♪♪

177
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:35,602
Don't tickle me.
Get in there.

178
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:44,990
♪♪

179
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:51,756
♪♪

180
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:58,521
♪♪

181
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I always wanted to moved
to downtown Syracuse,

182
00:07:01,731 --> 00:07:05,632
but my father said he wants
to buy us a house at Stratmore.

183
00:07:07,047 --> 00:07:08,186
You know what's funny?

184
00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:10,222
You strike me a
modern-day feminist woman

185
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,466
who doesn't need
to obey her father.

186
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,295
Why don't we skip this whole
wedding thing

187
00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:15,573
and move right to America

188
00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:18,092
and talk directly
to immigration?

189
00:07:18,092 --> 00:07:21,820
What is word "feminist"?
Dip.
Oh, yeah. Sorry.

190
00:07:21,820 --> 00:07:23,650
Drag.
Yeah.

191
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:26,342
Feminist is like equal rights,
men and women, you know?

192
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:27,861
50/50.

193
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:32,210
It's freedom to do whatever you
want including wearing flats.

194
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:37,422
Russia have equal rights,
50/50 for many years.

195
00:07:37,422 --> 00:07:39,976
It was called Communism.

196
00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:41,564
It didn't work.

197
00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:43,704
The world of equality
in dystopia

198
00:07:43,704 --> 00:07:46,949
where only ugly lesbians
are happy.

199
00:07:46,949 --> 00:07:49,261
I want an American life.

200
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,713
Looking beautiful,
having children,

201
00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:57,442
wearing high heels,
watching fireworks.

202
00:07:57,442 --> 00:07:59,824
[ Both chuckle ]

203
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:00,928
Who doesn't?

204
00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:02,274
Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.

205
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:03,241
[ Giggles ]

206
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:05,726
You did good.
Thanks.

207
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,528
Again? Jesus.

208
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:17,566
♪♪

209
00:08:17,566 --> 00:08:20,776
Hello, sir?
Hi, sir.

210
00:08:20,776 --> 00:08:23,537
Can I just have a moment
of your time?

211
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,608
Listen, I want to talk
about your daughter.

212
00:08:25,608 --> 00:08:27,265
Your daughter will
do anything you say.

213
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:28,646
She loves you.

214
00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:31,269
If you just went up to her
and said, "Look, this guy Nate."

215
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:32,615
Who's Nate?

216
00:08:32,615 --> 00:08:34,306
I'm Nate.

217
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,067
And you said,
"Nate is such a loser."

218
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,207
I've already done that.

219
00:08:38,207 --> 00:08:39,760
Good, good, yeah,

220
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,659
then you just put your foot
down about this wedding.

221
00:08:41,659 --> 00:08:43,799
Say no. I know
you don't want this to happen.

222
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:46,318
I could find her another guy
to marry in a second.

223
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,837
Trust me, I've tried.

224
00:08:47,837 --> 00:08:50,288
She'll say, "I'll only marry
a man from Syracuse."

225
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:53,740
So I invite whole plane
of losers from Syracuse area

226
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,121
just to show her
how much they suck.

227
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,503
Pay for elaborate
Russian bride bullshit thing,

228
00:08:58,503 --> 00:09:01,679
and she says, "I like the guy,
but no, he's from Ithaca.

229
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,371
That guy okay, but no,
he's from Binghampton."

230
00:09:04,371 --> 00:09:07,029
No to guy from Rochester.
Then you show up from Syracuse.

231
00:09:07,029 --> 00:09:08,755
What's so great about
Syracuse?

232
00:09:08,755 --> 00:09:10,342
I Google, it sucks!

233
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,137
It's got its charms.What?

234
00:09:12,137 --> 00:09:13,691
Erie Canal Museum
is shit.

235
00:09:13,691 --> 00:09:15,313
It was quite
an engineering feat.

236
00:09:15,313 --> 00:09:17,349
I mean, 18 aqueducts,
72 locks,

237
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,318
but you don't care about
shipping history,

238
00:09:20,318 --> 00:09:23,770
connecting the Great Lakes
to the Atlantic.

239
00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:25,357
Listen, your daughter's
such a beautiful woman.

240
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:26,807
Then you marry.

241
00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,533
That's the problem.
I can't.

242
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:31,709
I'm kind of
already married.

243
00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:33,918
To homo milk man's
daughter?

244
00:09:33,918 --> 00:09:36,541
Yeah.

245
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,474
Okay.

246
00:09:38,474 --> 00:09:39,717
I'm religious man.

247
00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:41,822
I respect those who enter
the holiest matrimony

248
00:09:41,822 --> 00:09:43,306
in the face of God.

249
00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:46,965
You show proof for married,
I no force you.

250
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:49,243
And that's
the second problem.

251
00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:51,004
We never
officially actually

252
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:52,522
ever got around
to getting married.

253
00:09:52,522 --> 00:09:54,214
Why not?

254
00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:56,526
[ Sighs ]
I don't know.

255
00:09:56,526 --> 00:10:00,392
Well, then, you're getting
married to my daughter tomorrow.

256
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:04,017
And that's final?
That's...?

257
00:10:04,017 --> 00:10:06,467
I get it.
You've got a tank.

258
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:07,745
I've just got roller sk--

259
00:10:07,745 --> 00:10:09,574
Whoa!
[ Chuckles ]

260
00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:11,300
Finally getting the hang
of these.

261
00:10:13,578 --> 00:10:17,133
I did not mean to put my mouth
on your penis.

262
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,690
I'm very sorry.

263
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,623
[ Chuckles nervously ]

264
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:26,729
[ Loud clatter ]

265
00:10:29,939 --> 00:10:31,216
I'll leave.

266
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:37,947
♪♪

267
00:10:37,947 --> 00:10:41,088
By the power vested in me
by the great state of Alaska --

268
00:10:41,088 --> 00:10:42,952
I wonder if I'm still the mayor.
-You're not.

269
00:10:42,952 --> 00:10:44,954
The box turtle
won a special election.

270
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,128
Oh, good for Nigel.

271
00:10:46,128 --> 00:10:47,854
Well, with the little power
I have left,

272
00:10:47,854 --> 00:10:49,890
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

273
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:54,964
I know this doesn't
change anything.

274
00:10:54,964 --> 00:10:56,448
It's gonna help me
get through this, okay,

275
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,795
and I know this isn't
your dream wedding,

276
00:10:57,795 --> 00:11:01,212
but at least
you're still in white.

277
00:11:01,212 --> 00:11:02,938
I just love you so much.I love you,
too, but baby,

278
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:06,976
I think they're asking us
to go in there and...do it.

279
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:09,876
Are you suggesting
we go in there and --

280
00:11:09,876 --> 00:11:11,878
Oh, that's --Bless your heart.

281
00:11:11,878 --> 00:11:14,190
That's very sweet,
but these are our kids.

282
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,398
That'd be weird.

283
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:16,745
You know we really
don't care anymore.

284
00:11:16,745 --> 00:11:17,780
Yeah, between the farting
and the cud chewing,

285
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,333
we really can't hear anything.

286
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,576
Yeah, no,
it's way too weird.

287
00:11:20,576 --> 00:11:21,646
Thank you, though.

288
00:11:21,646 --> 00:11:22,992
Okay, well,
we're gonna be in here.

289
00:11:22,992 --> 00:11:24,891
Don't be too loud.

290
00:11:27,963 --> 00:11:30,137
Actually -- actually,
you know what, babe?

291
00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:31,863
I think we should consummate
this thing.

292
00:11:31,863 --> 00:11:33,313
It's our wedding night.
Come on, let's do it.All right. All right.

293
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:35,764
Let's do it.Thank you.

294
00:11:35,764 --> 00:11:38,628
Oh, it's lovely.You got a beautiful home.

295
00:11:38,628 --> 00:11:40,665
Look at that.
I love it.

296
00:11:40,665 --> 00:11:41,942
[ Chuckles ]

297
00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:45,463
Okay. Oh, oh.
Wait a minute. Hold on.

298
00:11:45,463 --> 00:11:47,603
[ Groans ]

299
00:11:47,603 --> 00:11:50,157
[ Yells in Russian ]

300
00:11:50,157 --> 00:11:52,090
Aah![ Bucket clanks ]

301
00:11:54,265 --> 00:11:59,477
♪♪

302
00:11:59,477 --> 00:12:04,689
♪♪

303
00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:07,692
[ Singing in Russian ]

304
00:12:07,692 --> 00:12:13,180
♪♪

305
00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:18,703
♪♪

306
00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:20,981
You look like
Czar Feodore the Third.

307
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:22,017
Thank you.

308
00:12:22,017 --> 00:12:23,881
He was sickly due
to the inbreeding

309
00:12:23,881 --> 00:12:26,538
and being kicked
in head by horse.

310
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,851
Wore a diaper
to the coronation

311
00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:32,855
and could not
put his hat on, either.

312
00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:36,169
Okay, okay.
It's just so tight.

313
00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:38,723
♪♪

314
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:42,796
You look good.

315
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,143
I feel like an idiot.

316
00:12:45,143 --> 00:12:46,696
[ Sighs ]

317
00:12:46,696 --> 00:12:48,560
I'm sorry we're such
shitty parents.

318
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,976
Don't be.

319
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,047
You're marrying the daughter
of a Russian oligarch

320
00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:55,326
so we can get back to Syracuse
and live a normal, boring life.

321
00:12:55,326 --> 00:12:58,398
You're doing all this for less
than two years family time.

322
00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:02,229
You're not great parents,
but you're not shitty.

323
00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:03,783
That means a lot.

324
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,302
Don't start crying.I always cry at weddings.
[ Sniffles ]

325
00:13:06,302 --> 00:13:08,097
Aw, shit.

326
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:09,409
Now I gotta ride.
No, get up, please.

327
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,169
I'm not stepping
on your back. Okay?

328
00:13:11,169 --> 00:13:14,759
I'll get on the...
small horse myself.

329
00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:16,071
Honey,
it's so small.

330
00:13:16,071 --> 00:13:17,831
-I'm gonna break its back.
-I know.

331
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,075
If I don't get on it,
he's gonna break my back.

332
00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:22,767
God, I'm sorry.

333
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,666
I just ripped my pants.
I just ripped my pants.

334
00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:28,911
Yep.

335
00:13:28,911 --> 00:13:30,257
-Be careful.
-I know.

336
00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:32,363
I'm just trying not
to break its back.

337
00:13:32,363 --> 00:13:34,468
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

338
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:36,574
Whoa, whoa, whoa![ Audience chuckles ]

339
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:41,165
Um...
my pants ripped wide open.

340
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,031
How long do we have
to stay here for?

341
00:13:45,031 --> 00:13:46,964
I mean,
I gotta go to work.

342
00:13:46,964 --> 00:13:49,207
These cows aren't gonna shovel
their own shit.I don't know.

343
00:13:49,207 --> 00:13:51,969
Maybe she realized she was
stealing some other woman's man.

344
00:13:51,969 --> 00:13:54,419
Is she coming soon? These people
are getting restless.

345
00:14:01,426 --> 00:14:06,224
Funky Bunch,
no Mark!

346
00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:08,123
♪ Aw, yeah

347
00:14:08,123 --> 00:14:10,125
♪ Funky Bunch in the building

348
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,404
♪ Come on, come on

349
00:14:13,404 --> 00:14:15,130
♪ Look out, sons,
or you're gonna get punched ♪

350
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:19,375
♪ Step back, Mother, Father,
here comes the Funky Bunch ♪

351
00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:21,101
♪ Ugh

352
00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:23,069
♪ Yo, we're back from the '90s
like one, two, three ♪

353
00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:24,864
♪ Scotty Gee ♪ Hector Booty
and your boy ♪

354
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,314
♪ DJ T ♪ We heard the jumps
and the smack and the stuff ♪

355
00:14:27,314 --> 00:14:28,315
Together:
♪ But believe in the bunch

356
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:29,661
♪ We just as good
without Mark ♪

357
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,146
♪ We don't need Mark
with his fat, tight body ♪

358
00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:33,320
♪ We disassociate
with his agent in crime ♪

359
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,150
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪

360
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:36,289
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪

361
00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:37,635
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪

362
00:14:37,635 --> 00:14:39,154
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪

363
00:14:39,154 --> 00:14:40,258
♪ We're the brain
and the brawn ♪

364
00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:41,708
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪

365
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:44,021
Is this actually
the Funky Bunch?
No.

366
00:14:44,021 --> 00:14:45,954
Well, why would you
tell everybody that it was?

367
00:14:45,954 --> 00:14:47,645
No one knows
the difference.

368
00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,269
♪ We don't need Mark,
we don't need Mark ♪

369
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:52,512
♪ We're the brains
and the brawn ♪

370
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:53,823
♪ And the balls
and the spark ♪

371
00:14:53,823 --> 00:14:57,517
♪ Oh, say can you see♪

372
00:14:57,517 --> 00:15:00,002
♪ By the dawn's early light♪

373
00:15:00,002 --> 00:15:01,728
Oh, no, no!

374
00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:05,525
♪ What so proudly
we hailed --♪

375
00:15:07,665 --> 00:15:10,357
[ Clears throat ]

376
00:15:10,357 --> 00:15:11,186
Dad?

377
00:15:11,186 --> 00:15:12,187
Pee Paw?Pee Paw?

378
00:15:12,187 --> 00:15:14,465
Hand of God!
I knew he'd be back!

379
00:15:14,465 --> 00:15:16,363
[ Cheers ]What the hell are you guys
doing here?

380
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,503
We're being forced to work here
until you surrender,

381
00:15:18,503 --> 00:15:21,713
and because of that, Nate has
to marry that guy's daughter.

382
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,129
Who's Nate?

383
00:15:23,129 --> 00:15:25,200
Hey! [ Laughs ]

384
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,133
I did not know that.

385
00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:28,341
Then what are you doing
here?

386
00:15:28,341 --> 00:15:29,894
I'm here to destroy
the rule of this

387
00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:31,896
Keebler Elf.

388
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:35,072
You're screwed now, pal!
[ Laughs ]

389
00:15:35,072 --> 00:15:36,866
You no ruin me.

390
00:15:36,866 --> 00:15:38,040
Is impossible.

391
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,835
By myself?
No.

392
00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:43,045
But with a little family help,
it's been surprisingly easy.

393
00:15:45,392 --> 00:15:47,636
Natalia.[ Audience murmurs ]

394
00:15:51,019 --> 00:15:52,986
You always tell me
I'm a free woman.

395
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,712
Free to make my choice.

396
00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:57,611
But this?
This is all fake.

397
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:58,750
Nate is not in love
with me.

398
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,545
He's in love
with this old woman.

399
00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:01,891
She's 39.

400
00:16:01,891 --> 00:16:03,721
That is what I said --
old.

401
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:10,245
You always taught me,

402
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:13,386
when angry, do not act violently
like a night witch.

403
00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,629
Instead,
channel your energy

404
00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:18,494
to destroy your enemy
financially.

405
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,739
You are forcing him
to marry me!

406
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:25,915
I am no feminist,
but I will be treated fairly,

407
00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:27,227
and my voice will be heard

408
00:16:27,227 --> 00:16:29,712
regarding my own life
and happiness.

409
00:16:29,712 --> 00:16:32,370
You're bluffing.
He has no power in Russia.

410
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:34,200
You're right.
I don't.

411
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,375
But then she introduced me
to this guy named Vlad.

412
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:38,790
I forget his last name.

413
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:41,276
Old KGB buddy of yours,
I believe.

414
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:43,105
Anyhoo, it turns out,

415
00:16:43,105 --> 00:16:45,970
he's grown really tired
of your overpriced milk.

416
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,937
He's looking for something
a little more --This is lie.

417
00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,767
Putin will never go
to homo milk.

418
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,251
Oh, he's going homo,
all right.

419
00:16:51,251 --> 00:16:52,942
He's completely gay for it.

420
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:55,635
And pretty soon, all the rest
of Russia will be, too.

421
00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:58,224
I don't believe.
There are no gays in Russia.

422
00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:02,435
[ Laughter ]

423
00:17:02,435 --> 00:17:04,264
I know, right?
What a douche.

424
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,921
Okay.
Don't believe.

425
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:07,750
And don't believe there's
a Federation tank

426
00:17:07,750 --> 00:17:11,582
right behind that stage ready to
tear this entire operation down.

427
00:17:11,582 --> 00:17:13,239
Did you say tank?No.

428
00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:15,275
Vlad loves my milk.

429
00:17:15,275 --> 00:17:16,483
Okay.

430
00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:17,622
Suit yourself.

431
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:19,348
Boys!

432
00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:20,970
[ Rumbling in distance ]

433
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:23,421
No tank.There's a tank.

434
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:25,630
It's just a Russian tank,
so it's slow.

435
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,943
There is no tank.

436
00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:30,463
[ Laughs ]

437
00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:35,571
There is no tank.
[ Laughs ]

438
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,608
There is no tank!

439
00:17:37,608 --> 00:17:39,782
There's a tank! There's a tank![ Audience gasps ]

440
00:17:39,782 --> 00:17:41,301
Everybody, run! Run!

441
00:17:41,301 --> 00:17:48,860
♪♪

442
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,346
That's for my Taurus!

443
00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:54,349
[ Screaming ]

444
00:17:54,349 --> 00:17:55,867
Jesus.

445
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,318
[ Screaming ]

446
00:17:58,318 --> 00:18:02,322
♪♪

447
00:18:02,322 --> 00:18:03,358
Yeah?

448
00:18:03,358 --> 00:18:04,531
I think we're finally out.

449
00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:07,672
♪♪

450
00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:08,846
Aah!

451
00:18:08,846 --> 00:18:14,023
♪♪

452
00:18:14,023 --> 00:18:19,236
♪♪

453
00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:21,686
It's a good time
to get out of here.

454
00:18:21,686 --> 00:18:24,206
You still want to split?

455
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:26,208
Given a choice between
the lesser of two evils,

456
00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:29,315
I think I'm gonna stick
with shitty parents.

457
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,455
Okay.
Suit yourself.

458
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:32,525
See ya!

459
00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:37,875
♪♪

460
00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:39,532
[ Clears throat ]

461
00:18:43,329 --> 00:18:45,158
Hi.[ Laughs ]

462
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:46,815
I still want to marry you.

463
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:50,888
[ Laughs ]Just kidding!

464
00:18:50,888 --> 00:18:53,270
She's funny.I told you.

465
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:54,305
Hmm? Hmm?

466
00:18:55,789 --> 00:18:57,515
What'd she say?I don't know.
I don't speak Russian.

467
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:08,423
♪♪

468
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:12,047
♪ How lucky can one guy be?

469
00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:13,531
♪ I kissed her,
and she kissed me ♪

470
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,533
You have 50 new messages.
[ Beep]

471
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,190
Robin: Hey, babe. Are you still
coming home tonight?

472
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,364
I haven't heard from you.

473
00:19:18,364 --> 00:19:19,572
If you are,
can you pick up milk?

474
00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:20,883
Oh, and bananas.

475
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:22,540
Natalia: Oh, and tell him
to get hot dogs!

476
00:19:22,540 --> 00:19:24,473
I love hot dogs!

477
00:19:24,473 --> 00:19:26,613
Ugh.
You-know-who wants hot dogs.

478
00:19:26,613 --> 00:19:28,650
Dude, I know she pays
our rent, but --
[ Beep]

479
00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:31,549
Natalia:
I don't know what she told you,
but I really want hot dog.

480
00:19:31,549 --> 00:19:33,413
Robin:
I told him that.[ Speaks Russian]

481
00:19:33,413 --> 00:19:35,726
[ Beep]Delilah: Hey, dad.
I need 100 bucks.

482
00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:36,934
Don't ask why.[ Beep]

483
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:38,280
Robin:
Hey. Me again.

484
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,730
We also need
laundry detergent

485
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:41,766
and cat food --
the wet kind.
[ Beep]

486
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:44,217
Jared:
Hey, Dad. If Delilah's getting
100 bucks, I want 100 --[ Beep]

487
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,598
Edie: Hey, it's Edie.

488
00:19:45,598 --> 00:19:47,289
Listen, I know we didn't
really end on a good note,

489
00:19:47,289 --> 00:19:48,670
but your s--[ Beep]

490
00:19:48,670 --> 00:19:50,223
Robin: Hey, it's me again.
Your machine cut me off.

491
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,845
Machine.[ Chuckles]
[ Beep]

492
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:54,952
Vanessa:
Hey, dumb ass, it's Vanessa.
Call me. It's impo--

493
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:56,781
Man: Hey, it's me.

494
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:59,198
Looks like you finally
made it to the beach, huh?

495
00:20:01,338 --> 00:20:04,064
Listen, I have the package.

496
00:20:04,064 --> 00:20:06,446
Consider us square.

497
00:20:06,446 --> 00:20:08,586
Hey, whatever you do,
just don't get in the --

498
00:20:08,586 --> 00:20:09,691
[ Beep]

499
00:20:09,691 --> 00:20:13,315
♪ I go to sleep
and keep grinning ♪

500
00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:17,077
♪ If this is just
the beginning ♪

501
00:20:17,077 --> 00:20:22,082
♪ My life is gonna be
beautiful ♪

502
00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:25,638
♪ She's telling me
we'll be wed ♪

503
00:20:25,638 --> 00:20:29,366
♪ She's picked out
a king-sized bed ♪

504
00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:34,129
♪ I couldn't feel any better
or I'd be sick ♪

505
00:20:34,129 --> 00:20:36,338
♪♪

506
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:37,822
♪ Tell me quick

507
00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:41,136
♪ Ain't that a kick
in the head ♪

508
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,138
[ Rapid gunshots firing ]

509
00:20:54,529 --> 00:20:57,601
♪♪